Mother's Day

I never really thought Mother's Day would mean all that much to me.  It kind of seemed the same as Valentine's Day, which I tend to view as just a commercial holiday with not that much real meaning.  Sure, we "celebrate" Valentine's Day...  I'll make Devin a nice dinner, and  he'll get me a cheap boquet of flowers, or a box of chocolates.  But we don't really make that big of a deal out of it.  And I honestly thought Mother's Day would be the same.  Until last year.

Last year, Mother's Day was hard.  Like, really hard.  The past October we had lost our first baby girl.  I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks.  I had never met her, or even gotten to see a sonogram picture of her, but she had already stolen my heart.  Nobody truly acknowledged that I had been a Mom, because our girl had never actually been born.  But she was and always will be my daughter, and she will always be missed.
The day was also bittersweet, because I was pregnant again.  The catch - we hadn't told anybody yet.  It was absolute torture going to Church and watching all these moms celebrating motherhood, while my mind kept running on two tracks.  1-I'm a mom too!  My baby girl may be in Heaven, but I'm still a mom!  2-I'm a mom too!  I have this brand new life inside of me that no one but me, my husband and God knows about.  It was a whole range of emotions that I couldn't truly express to anybody.  Not much fun.

But this year.... oh, this year!  I have my beautiful, happy little boy.  The present I got from Blake and my husband was a picture frame with the photo in one half, and a mold of Blake's hand and footprint in the other half.  But the best gift of all is just watching my son smile, laugh and play.
I still think about my daughter all the time, and there is a note of sadness to how I feel today.  I wonder what she would have been like, and I wish she were here.  But there is so much to be happy about, also!

So.  My view of this day has changed dramatically.
Mother's Day is so much more than trivial little gifts, and Sunday brunches.  It's celebrating the life that you've brought into the world, and also remembering the life that never made it to the world.  I don't need or expect gifts, breakfast in bed, or any of the other things that I always thought this day was about.  I have everything I need here in my arms, and treasured away in my heart.

Internet, Housing and other Randomness.

We don't have internet at our house.  This makes it difficult to blog. . It also just pretty much sucks.  I told Devin that as soon as we get a real house, we are getting internet.  Period.  No question... I don't care how much it costs, I've gone without for too long!  Maybe I'll update my blog more often if I have daily access to the Web.  Or maybe not... but a girl can dream!

It's looking like we may have a house soon, though!  We've been searching high and low, and running our poor realtor ragged.  We've found several houses that we have fallen in love with, then lost on the same day we make an offer.  That really puts a damper on the excitement of house hunting!
BUT, we have another one that we like, and we are going to make an offer tomorrow.  Hopefully nobody beats us to it this time!

I'll post pictures when I have them, and time, and access to the internet... so don't get your hopes up for those anytime soon. :-/
It's a fixer-upper on three acres, just outside the city limits of a small town.  It's 10 minutes away from Devin's parents, 1 minute away from his sister (who watches Blake for us sometimes), and 20 minutes from my parents.  The house really needs a lot of work, but I'm excited to update things to how I want them, and really personalize the space.  Hopefully this offer will go through and we'll get the contract.
We are $45,000 short of being able to pay cash.  Anybody have that to spare for us?  ha.

Wish us luck!!!